2.0 Be Clear and Concise
TECHNIQUES FOR CLARITY AND CONCISENESS
Is there one technique that you can use in all your business correspondence? Yes! Be consistent with your clarity and simplicity. Pretend you are the captain of a sinking ship, and you have only a few sentences to get your message out to your entire crew. This means that you have to write in a way that is understandable to everyone, from the ship’s cook to the navigator. An executive in the insurance industry said this about his business communication: In more than 40 years of business, I always used the same technique: plain, simple, understandable, and to the point. You can’t go wrong that way—it leaves no room for confusion or misinterpretation. The COO for a technical company took a business writing class in which the instructor had a mathematical formula for grading the writing. It was simple—those who wrote the shortest sentences and used the simplest words got the highest scores. The class learned that clarifying and simplifying their prose led to drastically increased understanding of the message content. They got the point of the message. No one got bogged down trying to decipher difficult words, or having to wade through murky sentences. So, try scoring yourself— write a sample letter and have a friend or associate read it. Ask them to score each sentence by giving ten points for every concise statement and subtracting ten points for every confusing statement. If your first score is on the low side, never fear! That only means you have room for growth and a new opportunity to make yourself an even better writer than you thought you could be. In order to write clearly and concisely, you have to ask yourself some essential questions with each sentence that you write. In his book, Politics and the English Language, George Orwell suggests that you ask yourself the following key questions:
■ What am I trying to say?
■ What words will express it? ■ What image or idiom will make it clearer?
■ Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
■ [Also], could I put it more shortly?
■ Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?
BE CLEAR
There was an orator named Demosthenes, who lived in Athens, Greece, in 300 B.C. He was highly praised by everyone for being a brilliant communicator because he used lofty words that made him sound intelligent. His style was animated and captivating. The people got so caught up in listening to him that they never knew what he was actually saying. One day he proclaimed another orator to be better than he. He said simply that, when the other man spoke, he spoke to the level of the crowd, and they heard his message. They left his speeches knowing what he had said. Thousands of years later, the same theory applies—be clear above all. Your most important objective is to get your message heard. An executive vice president with more than 17,000 employees under his direction says this about clarity: Write like you would talk to a friend. This may be [risky], but it is clearer and establishes your style. For example, “Charley, it is time we sat down face-to-face and talked this deal over,” instead of, “At your earliest convenience, would you please extend your permission to arrange a mutually agreeable time to convene a business meeting to discuss …blah, blah, blah.” The funny thing is that “blah, blah, blah” is probably exactly what the reader would be thinking if they received the latter note. So, think like an executive vice president—a leader— and get to the point with your writing. If you think and write like a leader, you will eventually become a leader. Leaders have a clear direction. They have a clear goal. And they cut a path straight to that goal. This means that it is absolutely critical to keep your eye on the ball throughout your writing process. If you have total clarity about what you want—and don’t be afraid to get specific—then make the decision to go after it, keep focused, and sharpen your letter until it glistens like a blade in sunlight.
GET TO THE POINT
WORDS OF WISDOM
If you want to be clear and authoritative with your prose, never begin a statement with the words I think. When trying to persuade someone to do something in business, you need to know, and you need to be able to communicate what you know.
The best thing you can do if you want to get your message across is get to the point. Say what you want to say, support it with facts, be specific, ask for what you need, thank the reader, and then end the note. You can organize different types of e-mails or letters in different ways, but following a logical order and getting to the point are imperative to being clear and understood, no matter what you are writing. In an inquiry message, for example, the order should be as follows: what you want, who you are and why you are asking for it, and then end it with a brief thankyou. Remember that the reader is most interested in the gist of your letter. And you will come across as a straight shooter, someone who is interested in what matters most, if you write in that order.
Sample Inquiry Letter
From:[email protected]
Date: July 10, 2020 Subject: Portrait appointment for Introspection Magazine Dear Ms. Delano, I am a freelance photographer working for Introspection magazine, and I am writing to ask if you might be available for a portrait sitting sometime in the next two weeks. The publication would like your interview with journalist Brad Husted to be accompanied by a photograph. If this idea suits you, please let me know dates and times when you might be available. I have over 20 years of experience as a professional portrait photographer. To view my portfolio, please go to www.carriegrovephotography.com. Thank you in advance. I look forward to meeting you.
Sincerely, Carrie Grove Portrait Photographer
Here are some sentences that leave the reader guessing, followed by examples of how to be specific:
Vague: I hope to meet with you again soon!
Clear/Specific: We are looking forward to an answer about that contract by January 4.
Vague: We greatly appreciated your help with the Randolph matter. You are a great new asset to our team.
Clear/Specific: Your decision to renegotiate the Randolph contract earned us an additional $10,000. Pam and Ronan tell us you are the best new attorney on staff.
Vague: Your investment should increase significantly by next year.
Clear/Specific: Your investment should increase 20% by next year.
Vague: The new system has been very profitable.
Clear/Specific: The new system has reduced operating costs by 30%. Vague: somewhat behind schedule
Clear/Specific: one week late On the other hand, here are a few powerful adverbs and adjectives that can add punch to your point:
directly involved
unflagging dedication
promptly accepted
productive meeting
hefty raise
influential employee
invaluable asset
priceless decision
DELIVER BAD NEWS CONFIDENTLY
Bad news is bad news. To deliver it confidently is to write with the idea that either a situation will be solved or that you will work through it. It may be news from a financial planner to her client that the market has gone belly-up, or it may come in the form of a supervisor needing to counsel an employee. Many executives warn not to hide behind form letters or e-mail; rather, face-to-face communication is best. However it is delivered, bad news is not made better by trying to gloss over it or manipulate words to try to confound the reader. Of course, it remains important to understand yo
ur audience in order to determine what tone is appropriate. But, in most cases, it is best to just get it out there—deal directly. You will avoid bigger trouble in the long run if you deliver a clear and honest message. And you can still be tactful, or even delicate, if the situation permits. You can even use an opening cushion sentence or two to ease elegantly into the message. But, in the end, it is better to give the bad news straight, and grant your reader the personal respect of being able to handle the truth. Following is an e-mail written to a stockholder by an investor relations associate.
To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Date: April 19, 2020 Subject: HVK Technologies stock update Dear Mr. Povonosky, Your investment in HVK Technologies is a responsibility we take very seriously. Today, we regret to inform you that HVK Technologies received a staff determination notice from the Nasdaq Stock Market stating that HVK Technologies common stock is subject to delisting from the Nasdaq Stock Market. This event is due to the delayed filing of the company’s quarterly report form 10-Q, for the period ending September 30, 2006. Such notice is in accordance with Nasdaq Marketplace Rule 4310(c)(14), which states that companies must file periodic reports on a timely basis. The company’s late filing was the result of its ongoing comment and response process with the Securities and Exchange Commission regarding HVK Technologies’ Series B-1 Convertible Redeemable Preferred Stock. HVK Technologies immediately filed an appeal and requested a hearing before a Nasdaq Listing Qualifications Panel. Such a request automatically stays the delisting of the company’s common stock until the panel reviews the appeal and determines a final legal outcome. We thank you for your patience during this challenging time. We feel it is our responsibility to keep investors well informed about all events related to HVK Technologies stock holdings, and we will continue to keep you informed about this specific issue as events develop. Sincerely, Adrienne Jones
Several points are noteworthy in this letter:
1. The writer cut to the chase. She explained some very complex issues as clearly as possible.
2. People take their money very seriously; so, she used an appropriate tone of both professionalism and authority. She essentially said, “I’m carefully watching how this issue develops because I know it means a lot to you.”
3. She was tactful and understanding, using opening language that put her on the same level as the reader—she seemed to say, “Wow, hasn’t this whole thing been an unbelievable experience for all of us?” 4. She did not try to back away from the obvious gravity of the situation. 5. She was specific with her facts, using official terminology and rules to demonstrate her knowledge and research of the issue.
PROVIDE SUPPORTING DETAILS
Be sure to separate fact from opinion—this means providing supporting details. Companies will make decisions based on facts and numbers, not on how you feel. So, while it is important to make recommendations, be sure that they are fact-based, and that you provide plenty of supporting evidence. Be sure to also offer solutions to issues, not just a long list of problems and facts. One chief operating officer explains: I can’t stand it when someone writes up a business case loaded with facts without suggesting “what to do.” I think people tend to not offer an opinion because they’re afraid of failing. I like people who are willing to take responsibility and accountability for their opinions.
DON’T HEDGE
Hedge words and phrases are used when the writer is looking for a buffer to soften his statement. It is usually done because he is either not prepared to submit something as fact, or he thinks he can dodge the issue by hiding it in extra words. Here are some common hedge words and phrases to avoid:
according to our records
as far as I can tell
as per your request
as you might know
could
for your information
I wish to thank
if I recall in due time
in my humble opinion
in the near future
in view of
it is my understanding that just about likely might mostly permit me to say probably pursuant to with reference to Again, two of the most important aspects of a well-written e-mail are clarity and candor. Take out every single word that you don’t need in order to make your message clear. Be specific with facts, and use opinions sparingly, unless it is part of your job to make recommendations to clients. When you do offer suggestions, be sure to back them up with facts. Remember to say what you mean, even if it is not the best news. WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY NO The biggest problem with having to say no in writing is that the readers can’t see you. They can’t hear your tone of voice, and they can’t see your body language. They also have no chance to respond or comment before you are through with your message. You can compensate for these drawbacks by personalizing your letter:
1. Be clear.
2. Be careful with your tone—use a gracious and thoughtful tone.
3. Anticipate the reader’s questions—try to answer them in advance.
4. Put your message to the test: Ask yourself if you would say the same thing you are writing to the reader’s face. Does it sound real? In other words, don’t say something like, “Please permit me to thank you for interviewing for the position, but . . .” A better choice of words would be: “We enjoyed meeting with you to dis-cuss our new sales position. We have decided on another candidate for this job, but we will keep your resume on file. We thank you for your time and wish you the best of luck in your job search.” 5. Put yourself in the reader’s mind: How would you feel if you got this letter? Remember that your ultimate goal is to put your best foot forward in every letter you write. There are several standard rules to follow when you have to say no: ■ Never say no in anger: When you write something down, it is permanent. Don’t let your words come back to bite you. Control your temper and remain professional— find the words to express your dissatisfaction in a professional manner.
■ Never belittle anyone: Don’t be accusatory. If you are a credit collector, for example, and you need to collect money from someone, you should assume nothing. Use a respectful and understanding tone—your company will look better, and you may even get the money you are asking for.
■ Never say no carelessly: Write to show that you care about the reader, even if you are part of a large corporation. Form letters or e-mails should not be too impersonal. Remember the importance of showing people you come in contact with that you care about them individually. The last thing you want to do is make them feel like a number.
WORDS OF WISDOM
Be concise—this requires thinking and planning. Limit the length of a business letter to one to one-and-a-half pages, tops. Length of a letter is important. Keep it short. —JIM WHITTLESEY, EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT
BE CONCISE
An executive in the insurance industry says that his favorite thing to tell colleagues and clients about writing concisely is:“I’m sorry [the e-mail] is so long—if I had had more time, I would have sent you something shorter.” This proves that he understands the importance of organization, thinking, and planning prior to writing and sending an e-mail. If you haven’t thought it out, you are bound to ramble. If you ramble, you
lose your audience. The executive goes on to describe the best letter he ever wrote to an underwriter after a lengthy conference call enumerating all the reasons to stay with the client. He was essentially begging the busy underwriter to stay on board, but he needed to be concise: I sent a two-page letter to him. The first page was completely blank—white as alabaster, nothing on it at all. The second page had the words: “Above are all of the reasons why you should stay with this client. Regards, Bruce.” It worked. The busy underwriter was both amused and thankful for the short letter—he decided to stay with the client. The executive who wrote the letter had his reader in mind when he wrote, and the reader felt understood and appreciated. The writer accomplished his goal with a blank sheet of paper and the fewest words possible.
CHISEL AWAY NEEDLESS WORDS
Here is a list of wordy phrases, along with some options: Rambling/Wordy Concise a great deal of much are of the belief that think that as per your request at your request as you may already know as you may know at a later date later at all times always at this time now based on because despite the fact that although do an analysis of analyze equally as equally essentially unaware does not know general idea idea group consensus consensus here locally locally I think that we should We should I’d like to thank you Thank you in order to to in the area of approximately/about in the course of during in the event that if in view of because inasmuch as because in-depth study study it is clear that clearly make a recommendation recommend month of December December need something along the lines of need a over with over plan of attack plan schedule a meeting meet subsequent to after take action act the majority of the time usually/frequently until the time when until
we ask that you return the contract please return the contract we can be in a position to we can with regard to regarding with the exception of except Although there’s no “expense” associated with an e-mail like there is with a traditional paper letter in the mail, there is still a very real cost to you (and potentially the recipient): time and efficiency. So, even though it may take you longer to plan and edit your message before writing it, it will benefit you in the long run. You will earn a reputation as a clear thinker, someone who will get down to business.
Check your paragraph and Sentence Length
It is just as important to watch rambling sentences and paragraphs:
■ Paragraph: Give the reader a break by keeping e-mail paragraphs limited to about 2-3 sentences. Long, uninterrupted blocks of text can be hard to read on screen—especially small phone or tablet screens.
■ Sentence: Be sure your sentences are in logical order as you build them into a strong paragraph. Put the most important information at the very beginning or the very end of the paragraph. AVOID REDUNDANCY While it is sometimes important to repeat ideas to get your message understood, be careful not to overdo it. Use repetition as a tool only when it helps emphasize your point: We care about quality. We care about lives. We care about you. But, there is a difference between effective repetition and redundancy. Following is a list of redundant phrases and their more crisp alternatives:
Redundant
as a general rule
begin to take effect
close proximity
collectively assemble
continue on
contractual agreement
cooperate together
current status
depreciate in value
endorse on the back
final completion
final outcome
first and foremost
first priority
foreign imports
honor and a privilege
invisible to the eye
lose out
Concise
as a rule or generally
take effect
close
assemble
Continue
Contract or agreement
Cooperate
Status
Depreciate
Endorse
Completion
Outcome
First or Foremost
Priority
Imports
Honor or privilege
Invisible
Lose
SUMMARY
The best way to ensure that your writing is clear and concise is to use Orwell’s “questions to ask yourself ” as a guideline. Then, think like a leader, and get to the point. Don’t write anything that requires decoding, or waste time cluttering up your messages with unnecessary words. It only leads to confusion, which is not your goal.What is impressive is someone who is able to get to the heart of a matter and affect people. Pinpoint your goals and write them down clearly and concisely. Then edit yourself and be sure you have the exact information you need in each letter—no more and no less.
Also remember that, while it is critical to be clear and concise, you need to use your commonsense above all. Don’t omit critical information just because you think your letter seems too long—it may be necessary to add information in order to clarify something. And when you have to say no, do so with tact and grace. Apply these two characteristics to everything you write, and you can’t go wrong. Finally, keep in mind William Strunk’s notion: “ . . . let every word tell.” If you make every word count, then you will save time and money, and you will be an effective communicator.